Angry at end of life care for my mums

#1 2015-08-08 10:28:58
Akania

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2015-08-08

Posts: 1

Angry at end of life care for my mums

Hi all,

My mum was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer 14 months ago, prognosis of 13 months so she did well but she was as strong as an ox.

Oncology teams, GP, Macmillan all brilliant, which is why we relocated, the care was amazing, up until it mattered.

10 days before my mum died she got poorly with an infection. She was hallucinating , high temperature , dark urine, so it didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening and as her carer I knew her body so well that I knew what the problem was. All weekend I called nurses , doctors, Macmillan. I begged for antibiotics, not to prolong her life but to make her comfortable mentally and physically, after all for 14 months that's all I heard, we will make sure she's co,for table and pain free at the end. I asked the nurse for antibiotics, she said no because they didn't know what kind of infection it was. I always had antibiotics given to me previously as taking them was preferable to not for mum as her immunity was so low. They sent out a nurse to see mum. Obviously her temperature was low at that point because I had given her paracetamol. The nurse took a look at mums urine which was dark brown and commented that she hasn't got an infection as she would be able to smell it. We had another bad night and in the morning I phoned my GP. He came out immediately and said that mum was in trouble, gave me a prescription for antibiotics and told me to get them straight away.

On the way to the chemist my brother called in a panic saying mum was bleeding heavily , coughing up blood. I raced home and I thought she was dead when I arrived. The ambulance took her straight to hospital where they stabilised her and tried to stop the bleed. For the next four days I battled with the hospital for antibiotics. Her temperature was high, she was delirious and scared. Eventually a doctor relented in the Thursday and gave them to mum. She had two comfortable days and then died again from a massive bleed on Sunday night.
I knew my mum was going to die. I'm ok with that, I grieved for her months ago. Maybe I'm angry and it's coming out of me like this, but the thing that has enraged me beyond anything else was when help was needed no one was there, no one helped, for something as basic as antibiotics she suffered , we suffered , she was traumatised, we are traumatised at what we have seen. I was under the impression it was all about making people comfortable at the end of their life not letting them die scared in pain and bleeding to death from a bleed that could have been prevented.
I am going to calm down a bit and then make a decision on how to proceed with this. I just wondered if anyone else had gone through anything similar.

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#2 2015-11-21 11:48:46
Kenichi

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These are gorgeous, can't wait to see the rest of them. Thank you for your pacitnee yesterday, these shots were definitely worth it. She slept from the moment we left yesterday and we even got a good nights sleep. thanks again. Andy, Claire and Lauren x

#3 2016-03-10 23:21:03
Claimsexecutive1

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2016-03-10

Posts: 30

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#4 2016-07-08 22:01:55
Neveah

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Your thknniig matches mine - great minds think alike!

#5 2016-07-08 22:24:27
Amberly

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